Your Reality is Just That; Yours
"I am everyone and everything that is desired of me. I wonder, what it is like to actually be me?"
Gem vs Rubber
They say we all start out with rough edges and we must work to polish them off and make ourselves the most perfect version we can be.
Why?
Why should you have to get rid of all your jagged points, all your imperfect facets, every scratch and dent that you have? WHY SHOULD YOU HAVE TO GET RID OF THEM?
If I ask you what is more beautiful; a smooth rubber ball, or a sharp edged gem? Which do you choose? Which one ignites something in your soul when you see it? Which is more coveted?
The Gem. Why is that? Why do we covet the sharp edges and unforgiving nature of a gem? It's quite simple actually. The gem is true to its own nature. It will never be something else, and the only way to change its shape is to break it and even then it remains as itself, unchanged.
If you take the rubber ball, yes its smooth and perfectly formed, you can melt it down and change or incorporate it into anything you want, add stuff, take away stuff, change it into something completely different. Like a shirt or a tire. Completely malleable. Only capable of hanging on to the most miniscule properties it possesses.
“Why should I allow anyone to tell me who or what I am? I am me, and that is all I ever need be.”
You or That?
Why are we all obsessed with fitting in and being exactly the same as every other person? Sure we try to express ourselves, but then we revert backwards whenever this is challenged. We try to tone it down, to an "Acceptable Level" to "Just Chill". Sure you tell yourself you are different, but the truth is you've just fallen into one of so many levels. Perhaps it's one where all you do is care about what others are wearing and what you have, perhaps it's one where you are trying to be yourself, but you are only ever "on trend".
I can think of nothing more ABHORENT! Why would you dull your scales, pretend to be who you are not, relegate yourself to "appropriate" roles?! Why did you Believe them when they said you can only be one thing?
Is this because everyone failed to learn the lesson of Darwinism? Aka, the one that is different is the one who survives. The ones that are the all the same... well their ending wasn't the best now was it. Every imperfect flaw that you possess, that makes you different, is but a tiny reflection of who you truly are. Much the same as a mirror.
When you look in the mirror it's a reflection of who you choose to be, and of who you are. Choosing to cover up your imperfections and dents and scratches so you can create the perfect picture. What is the point? No, Really, at the end of your life, on your death bed, how happy will you be to say,
"I was never myself, nobody knew me, not really." You were just another piece of rubber. Malleable Moldable Rubber.
To think... You could have lived your life as you, without holding back, without taming yourself, without shaving away the things that made you you and becoming just another piece of society. You could have been a Jewel. You could have improved upon yourself and still kept being who you were. But that is the choice we all make.
Whether to forgive ourselves and move forward, or forsake those bits and pieces of ourselves until we can no longer recognize who we are.
“Feed The Monster In You, Sometimes It's All That Keeps You Alive.”
Are You A Monster?
On the accountings of history, you must remember that it is only ever written from the victors perspective. That perspective is irrelevant. You will be dead and gone, so why should you care what anyone has to say? We have all experienced horrors and inequalities in our lives at one point or another. We have kept going despite these times, even though it would have been easier to give up. Why? Why did we keep going? It's simple, inside all of us there is a monster. Many people say this is a bad thing, and you must vehemently work to keep it under control. Why?
That monster is a part of your core. A piece of yourself that cares for you as no one else does, and fights for you against all opposition. Crushing that part of yourself, de-fanging it, letting it be beaten into submission, starving it to death; this only appeases those who would take away your sharp edges and shine. It benefits only those who would see you as a ball of rubber, not as a jewel.
If you do not want this, then you must feed your monster. Let it out every time someone thinks to file away one of your edges. Feed it upon the insatiable desire to only ever be exactly who you are, and let it rend apart any who would deny you this. Because if you are not a monster my dear, then why do you care to live. Monsters fight to protect what is theirs at all costs. If you care about anything at all, then do it. Become the Monster.
“My Dear, You Must Sharpen Your Teeth, Shine Your Scales, And Breathe Fire When You laugh. Because Why Should You Hide Who You Are? There Is No Point In Living As Someone You Are Not."